I Don't Deserve You
by choose joy xox
Summary: "He loved her. Her joy was his joy, and her pain was his pain. She had been putting up with so much over the past two years, enough to instantaneously break a weaker person. But she just kept continuing on. These were the first signs of cracks, and it was killing him. He would do anything, anything, to make life okay for her." Toby's POV of the ending Spoby scene in 5x08


**I just needed this written, and since no one else was writing it for me to read I GUESS I can write it myself. I'm doing this from memory since my mom is hogging the TV, soooo... yeah! If the dialogue is a little off or out of order that's why!**

**Because you could just tell from this stupid, beautiful scene that Toby had so much on his mind! I thought that I'd go ahead and explore that a little bitty bit.**

**Enjoy and as always, let me know what you think!**

**Again, this is 100% from memory, so if it's off that's why! Always taking prompts. It WILL take me awhile to get to them, but they'll get done eventually. Urgh, off to a 10 hour shift at work! Leave me happy reviews to come back to!**

You never give up when I'm falling apart  
Your arms are always open wide, and you're quick to forgive  
When I make a mistake you love me in the blink of an eye

I don't deserve your love, but you give it to me anyway  
Can't get enough; you're everything I need  
And when I walk away you take off running and come right after me  
It's what you do, and I don't deserve you

_Don't Deserve You- Plumb_

The persistent rain fell from the sky, quickly soaking through his clothes and onto his skin. In the back of his mind he was glad that he remembered a jacket, but that wasn't his primary concern as he approached his girlfriend's house. The dull, listless voice from her voicemail weighed heavy in his mind.

_Can you come over when you get a chance?_

That was all he got, and that scared him. But it was the blank tone of her voice that elevated that fear to sheer terror. Usually her voice was saturated with amusement or sarcasm or any other host of emotions. But never this. He knock on her door and hunched down, trying to stop the rain from getting under his hood.

He heard footsteps inside and was relieved for the proof that she was home. Part of him worried that she would have run off to deal with a crisis from one of her friends before he had a chance to get to her, to hold her in his arms and comfort her. Because something was wrong.

His heart jumped when he heard those footsteps stop. Was she okay? He hunched down so he could see through the window. The fear on her face was enough to increase his worry ten fold. What had happened to her? She only stood in place for a moment before relief colored her features. She strode toward the door, unlocked it, and granted him entrance.

He slid inside before she managed to even get the door fully open. "I got your message, are you alright?" He pushed his hood off and got his first good look at her. Her right eye was swollen, and it looked painful. "What happened to your eye?" She didn't do that on her own, and he had to work hard to push down the anger that threatened to spill over. Not until he knew for sure what happened. Until then he would stay calm for her.

"I got something in it, and I can't get it out." Just by her voice he could tell that she was in pain. Spencer was so irrationally stubborn. She would never admit to being in pain or suffering unless it was her absolute resort, but her voice almost always gave away how she was feeling.

He wanted to question her further. He wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go again. But that's not what she wanted. That's not what she needed from him. He took a step forward, intending upon just hugging her; but a kind of disgusting smell reached his nose first. "What's the smell?" It was unlike the Hastings' house to be anything other than immaculate considering they had an army of maids clean it from top to bottom every afternoon.

"What smell?" She asked him distractedly as she lifted a rag to her swollen eye.

"It smells like-"

"Manure?" She finished his sentence and moved around him to sit on the couch.

"Yeah," he muttered. "What is that?" He slowly made his way around the couch and stood in front of her."

"It's manure," she supplied. "Emily and I went to the stables where Mrs. DiLaurentis used to take Bethany."

And no doubt that's where she got hurt. For a single second his frustration at her rivaled his anger and concern. When would she realize that two teenage girls were no match for this enemy? He couldn't do everything, but had he been there he sure as hell would have made sure that Spencer wouldn't have been hurt.

But that frustration fizzled away almost as quickly as it came. Spencer was _hurt. _He sat down on the tan chaise across from her and looked at her seriously, his blue eyes taking in every inch of her face. If her pain increased even incrementally he was going to be hard-pressed to stop himself from throwing her over his shoulder and taking her to the Emergency Room. "What happened to your eye, Spence?"

"Someone locked the door to the stable that Emily and I were in, and the horse next to us went _crazy. _We're lucky that we weren't trampled to death." She looked away from him and held the rag back to her eye.

She looked so sad, so broken... and he didn't know how to help her. That was the part that was killing him. All he wanted was for Spencer to be safe and happy. If he had that he had everything. But it was so much easier said than done. He would do whatever it took to protect Spencer, but it was proving to be impossible in the face of this invisible enemy. How was he supposed to stop what he couldn't see?

Even still, it wasn't lost on him that she was finally sharing the details of her nightmare with him. Before she would have given him the bare minimum; not because she didn't trust him, but because she was of the misguided opinion that it would somehow keep him safe. Thank God that particular delusion had been shattered. "Did you find anything else there?"

"Melissa's riding helmet," she said simply.

She couldn't even feel safe at home. Her family's unknown allegiance caused him undue stress whenever she didn't sleep in his arms at night. How could he be sure that she was safe. "Your sister?" He asked unnecessarily. "She was there too?"

"Unless -A knew that's where we were going and beat us there," she said softly. Many people looked at Spencer and saw someone hard and sarcastic. But that's not who he saw. He saw a girl that was broken by all the blows that life continued to throw her, yet despite all of that she still remained far too trusting for her own good.

Although, as unconvinced as he was of Melissa's innocence, -A's involvement seemed far more likely to him. He launched himself up off of the couch and paced backwards. He turned his back on her, not wanting her to see the anger flashing in his eyes. He prided himself on being a calm guy, but Spencer brought out all kinds of extreme emotions in him. Passion unlike anything he had ever felt before, love that consumed every part of him, an intense desire that never lessened, but she could also bring out rage that he had never experienced. Because how dare anyone harm her? Sometimes being her boyfriend was the most terrifying experience; he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but that didn't lessen the fear. She was so small, so soft... but she was so bold. She ran into dangerous situations with no regard for her physical well being. She held the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was fiercely protective of her friends and family, but she _never thought of herself. _He had to keep her safe. And if becoming a cop, even without her blessing, would do that than he would leave tomorrow.

"Has -A taken credit for this yet?" He turned to face her for the first time, not even caring if she saw her ire. Maybe then she'd take her own safety seriously.

"Toby-" she sighed. She didn't like it when he got riled up over her, but he didn't care. Not right now.

"No Spence. God, I'm so tired of feeling like this." He could feel tears of frustration welling up in his eyes, so he closed them and willed them to disappeared.

She glanced up at him through her eyebrows, for the first time looking as vulnerable as he knew she felt. If she hadn't felt vulnerable she never would have called him over. She would have kept this to herself as long as she could. "Like what?"

"Powerless," he breathed out. His voice breaking at the end of it. He hadn't even known that was the word he was searching for until he uttered it. But no truer words had ever been spoken in regard to the -A thing. _Powerless. _He **was **powerless. He wasn't enough to keep Spencer safe anymore, not as he was. God, he wished he was. But maybe once he passed the police academy, maybe once he was someone with power, he would be enough. Maybe.

He never took his eyes off of her face, so he saw as her expression changed from annoyance into something unreadable. "That's why I called you."

That was about the most vague statement she had ever uttered. "Why? To tell me you're lucky you weren't trampled?" His mind was much more sarcastic than his actual tone. She came to him. He wouldn't give her any excuse to avoid doing so in the future.

"No," she whispered, not even acknowledging his sass. "To tell you that I'm sorry."

The pounding of his heart rivaled the loud crash of thunder that punctuated her quiet sentence. Any anger he felt quickly melted away at the sound of her broken voice. -A could wait, but she couldn't. He walked to her and lightly perched on the coffee table in front of her. His hand reached out of its own accord and gently curled around her thigh. "What are you talking about, Spence?" He murmured.

"I- I'm sorry about earlier," she whispered, no longer able to keep the tears she had been fighting off all evening at bay. "If you being a police officer will end this then I say go. Study hard, graduate early. Because being here in this house with my parents separating and never here... with never knowing what side Melissa's on. I can't do it any more." She paused and swallowed hard, finally lifting her eyes to look at him again. "It's getting so much worse."

He had seen Spencer cry before, but it was a rare occurrence, and it had never quite been like this. She had been sad, but this was different. She almost sounded defeated, like she was ready to give up.

He loved her. **He loved her. **It wasn't just a high school romance or a passing fling. He loved her unconditionally and irrevocably. Every part of his heart was whole-heartedly devoted to her. Her joy was his joy, and her pain was his pain. She had been putting up with so much over the past two years, enough to instantaneously break a weaker person. But she just kept continuing on. These were the first signs of cracks, and it was killing him. He would do anything, a_nything, _to make life okay for her.

But he was just one guy. He couldn't fix everything, but he could help her right then and there. He could show her that, no matter what, he would be there for her. He wouldn't leave her like her parents. He wouldn't keep things from her like Melissa. He would just be there, forever.

He carefully reached out and took the rag from her hand and gently pressed it to her eye. She would probably need to go to the doctor tomorrow, but maybe this would help for now. Her hand almost instantaneously wrapped around his, holding his hand to her face. He could feel the soft trembling of her fingers. Was she scared? Was she in pain? He didn't know, but he knew what would comfort him if their situations were reversed.

He slowly leaned forward, making sure that his intentions were clear, and pressed his forehead against hers. Physical contact was the most important thing. As soon as their foreheads met he felt her melt into him, and he gladly took on the burden of her weight. He glided to the couch cushions and pulled her as close to him as he could manage. "Spence, I know things look bleak right now. I know it's scary. I can't promise that everything will be better soon or without more injuries, but what I can promise is that I won't rest until I can make life good for you again. I love you more than anything in the world. And I meant what I said the other day, sweetheart. You're never alone. Your family may feel absent, but I swear to you that I'll never leave you.

"I love you too, Toby. I-" She began, but she was cut off by the ringing of her phone. She grabbed it, but hesitated before reading the text.

"If that's -A, I swear to God-"

She cut him off with a shake of her head. "It's an SOS from Alison." She glanced at him longingly before looking back down at her phone. "I-"

He didn't understand her misplaced loyalty toward Alison DiLaurentis, but he did admire her dedication to those that were lucky enough to be called her friend. "You have to go. I understand. But are you alright?"

She shrugged out of his arms and stood up to grab her coat from the hook by the door. "Not even a little, but I can fake it for them."

He looked at her for a second, trying to figure out what to do. Leaving her alone right now seemed like a terrible idea, but it seemed unlikely that Alison would welcome him into a pow wow in her room. "Can I walk you over there?"

She nodded, and unless he was imagining it, she seemed a bit relieved. They walked together across her yard and to the DiLaurentis house with their hands intertwined. The silence was heavy with unspoken fears and worries. As they approached the porch she took her hand back and moved to go inside, but he stopped her by quickly wrapping his hand around her wrist. "Wait, Spence, stay with me tonight?" It was impulsive, but he didn't think she should be staying alone in her huge house. Not now that -A has gone completely crazy.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I'd like that."

He nodded and watched her carefully. "I'm going to run and get coffee, and the I'll come back. I'll wait in my truck across the street. Please, please don't wait outside if I'm not here by the time you're done, okay? I know I'm being overprotective, but-"

"It's pretty justified right now," she laughed without any humor. "I'll call you when I'm done."

He nodded. "I love you, Spence. So much."

"I-" she reached out and ran her fingers through his hand. "I really do like your new hair. I know I might have given you a different impression earlier." She smiled at the expression on his face. "And I love you too, Toby." She turned and walked into the house without another word.

He sighed and walked off the porch of one of his least favorite people. But he meant what he said to Spencer. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for her; even if that included enduring a world with Alison DiLaurentis.


End file.
